What Have You Been Learning Lately?

Lately my life has become this magic, playful carnival- lots of color, vibrancy and feel good fun times (and the occasional terrifying carnie encounter!). Of course I'm grateful. I'm a yogi and in the community we talk a lot of good talk about gratitude- how blessed we all are...OM! Namaste! But beneath it all, I've discovered a certain level of guilt. What have I ever done to deserve this beautiful life? Why do I get to live in a strong, healthy body with a strong, loving support network in a beautiful place where it's sunny and warm in January? Why is it so hard to just say "Yes! Thank you!"? Whoever said we should feel bad about feeling good? The Catholic Church is an easy target, so let's start there. My grandma, as devout a Catholic as I am a yogi, has actually said that we're meant to suffer in this life in order to sort of earn bliss in the afterlife. What? Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure that this life is filled with things from G...

You know when you learn so much at once that your noggin starts a'swimmin? After two full days of Authentic Relationships training, I'm looking for floaty wings for my soggy brain. I don't think I'll fully grasp how much I've learned or how much this is changing me for a couple of months (years...) but for now I'll try to get still and take in the first third of the training. I'm feeling linear, so I'll make a list... 1) Drop the past. Drop it. Drop it. Drop it. It doesn't belong in the present. 2) "Ego is the place where love cannot go. Where there is ego, there is no amigo." -Yogiji 3) Show up with neutrality and Listen. 4) Self-discipline is key for self-love. 5) Just because someone doesn't live up to their word doesn't necessarily indicate that they were not being honest. Some people are very authentic and just have trouble following through. 6) And that has nothing to do with me. 7) Get totally grounded in yourself. Th...

Since admitting is the first step, I'm just going to come right out and say it: I am stubborn. I have definitely learned a lot over the years about choosing my battles and will freely admit it when I'm wrong, but I still have a ways to go in other aspects. I derive great pleasure from ceaselessly banging up against walls, refusing to look around and realize that there was an unlocked door there all along that I could simply open and walk through. Part of this resistance must come from my shrinking but still prevalent adolescent love of drama and suffering. Oh, how romantic it is to be in pain! The exquisite tragedy! Luckily, the older I get, the less patience I have for unnecessary discomfort. I've survived enough real life tragedy now to understand how ridiculous it is to generate or invite in any more. And yet... There is still this escapist part of me that wants nothing to do with reality and goes to great lengths to avoid it. Every time I end another protracted period...

Awhile back my friend Brooke and I were talking and she was musing about something that could occur in the future. She stopped herself mid-sentence and said, "I'm living in the future," and directed her attention back to the moment. At the time none of this made an impact on me. It wasn't until about a week ago, when I found my whole consciousness in a fantasized, future moment, that I began to utilize Brooke's concise statement to check myself when I slip out of my breath, out of my body, out of the present. I've been in a cycle of growth that began with my move and is now coming to a close. My final gift of learning from this time will be to come into Totality- giving every step through life my total presence and energy. Now that I've brought my attention to my tendency to frolic in the future and I am attempting to correct this, it's becoming clear how much I have my work cut out for me. The yogic bible, for lack of a better term, is The Yoga Sutr...

If you want to figure out who you are, move home. Live with your family- watch and listen. You might find, as I have been, that you are, to perhaps a frightening degree, deeply a product of your environment. I'm sure that Nature plays an important role in our formation, but anyone who denies the impact of Nurture clearly isn't paying attention. Begin to examine your values, your morals, your stories about the world and "how things are" and I guarantee you will begin to see your family reflected back somewhere in there. This isn't always a bad thing. I am appreciative of many of the excellent habits, ideas and values that my family helped to instill in me. For instance, how would I have learned to be an excellent hostess if it were not for watching my family warmly greet and over feed strangers? "Joe just met you at the bus stop and now you're here to have Thanksgiving dinner with us? Great! Welcome! What can I get you to drink?" That kind of gracious...

The time has come! With 8 days left in the year, I'm beginning to craft and refine my learning goals and intentions for the new year. My 2010 list served as a helpful touchstone throughout the year and I am pleased to find that while some of my goals and intentions were not mastered (not reasonably master-able in a year...), I made many important steps forward. This year I have been challenged, taught and grown by surrender, communicating my truth, living my reality and committing to my spiritual practice. I found God vibrating in every atom of my being and this revelation spurred a whole series of events involving growing/glowing self-respect, steadiness and faith. I have let go of a lot of nonsense that stood between myself and my Self. This has been a year of softening and blossoming. 2011 represents a time for coming into full alignment with our highest Self. Thus far I am interested in bringing consciousness to communication in all its forms and to my relationships, particul...

My alma mater, San Francisco State, has a fun, upper division unit area called Segment 3 that requires students to take classes from a subject area outside of their major. When most people chose Human Sexuality, I decided that what I wanted more than anything was to learn about Judaism. I grew up Catholic and realized that I knew very little about what it is to be Jewish, but I wanted to find out. This curiosity led me to read some incredibly beautiful literature, to cry every week with Laurel in Holocaust and Genocide class, to spend a summer attempting to learn Hebrew, and to fall head over heels with The Word. I've been writing for fun since I learned how to form letters, but I never realized how magic words are until I was reading the Torah in my Kabbalah and Jewish Mysticism class. God spoke and the words formed existence! That is some serious stuff. That same semester I started performing the poetry I had been writing. I was in theatre for a dozen or so years routinely perf...